Not This Time
by Broken Mushroom
Summary: COE Day 4: After Jack dies in Thames house, what if something different happens this time? Will be two-shot. Janto


Slowly, so achingly slowly Jack felt the darkness fading in on him, until that's all there was. No more Thames House, no more 456, no more poisonous air.

No more Ianto.

Jack curled up in the darkness and shook his head violently as he felt the normal fear and despair that always set in when he was in this place. This time it was increased ten fold. Usually, he would just wait in silence, hoping that whatever was out there in the darkness wouldn't notice him.

But not this time.

He screamed. He shouted and flailed around. Yelling out into the nothingness. Howling out his loss.

The worst part was that he had gotten used to it. He was so familiar now, with coming back to life held by strong comforting arms, or weak reassuring hugs that meant _so_ much more to him than the other man knew.

But not this time.

This time he had no one to wake up too. He had nothing.

So he screamed even louder, and beat his fists on the ground…

Until his wrist were caught, and pulled towards a warm body. Until those oh-so-familiar arms wrapped around him. Until he caught the scent of coffee and vanilla, and heard the deep voice whispering soothing words.

Finally, he stopped screaming. His shouts turned into sobs, and though he knew this was impossible, he buried his head in the other man's neck and just cried.

"I've never seen you like this before."

And that broke Jack out of it. He pulled back and looked at the other man in disbelief.

"Are you always like this when you die?" that shy smile he wore whenever he was trying to make light of a situation, just to get the older man to relax.

Jack shook his head, this wasn't possible. He shoved the other away and stood, glaring at him.

"You're not real." He said, "You can't be. He's…" Jack broke off, looking away, as the other man stood as well and walked toward him slowly.

"Jack, It's me."

They stood there for awhile staring at each other, until finally, Ianto walked up close to his captain, and wrapped one arm around his waist.

"How?" Jack managed to mumble, responding finally, and letting himself be held.

"I really don't know, but I have to ask you something before you leave, Jack."

The older man choked back another sob. He didn't want to leave, not if Ianto was here. He didn't want to go back, but he knew he had to.

Usually, whatever question Ianto would have he would just make light of it, preferring to keep things on the surface.

But not this time.

"Anything."

Ianto took a deep breath before asking, "Back there. In Thames house, you said you would give them anything if they let me live." Jack stiffened and looked down, hands pulling Ianto closer. "Did you mean it? Would you really give up the whole world to get me back?"

He looked up into those blue eyes and answered sincerely, "In a heartbeat."

Ianto closed his eyes and let his head fall forward until their foreheads were touching.

"Then I'm glad I died."

Jack pulled his head back in shock, "Don't you dare say that. Don't ever say that. I need you, Ianto."

"Maybe." The younger man said sadly, "But the world needs you more."

"Screw the world." Jack said angrily, "I've given up so much for it. Why can't I just keep you?"

Ianto pulled him back and put his head on his shoulder. "You were never this open when I was alive. Do all your past lovers get this treatment?"

Jack sighed and ran his hand down Ianto's back, "You're the first this happened with. I've never seen anyone here. I'm not naïve to think that I'll ever see you again. Ianto…You know how much it hurts…"

"Shhh, I know. It doesn't matter. I always knew."

They stood there for a bit. Just holding each other, until Ianto stood straight and cupped Jacks cheek.

"I think you have to go soon."

"How can you tell?"

"Not sure."

Jack couldn't blink, couldn't close his eyes, couldn't look away. He wanted to see his Welshman for as long as he could.

"Jack, you have to keep fighting."

"I can't. Not after this."

Ianto sighed and looked away before turning back to his Captain.

"You have to. I can't tell you much, but something happened, something that made it possible for you to defeat them. You have to figure it out. You have to fight even harder, and, Jack. You're going to lose even more."

"How can I do that? How can I give up everything?"

"Jack if I hadn't died, you wouldn't have a chance."

"How do you know."

"No clue. I just do. But you know what? I'm glad. My death meant something. If millions live I would gladly die a thousand times over…"

Jack chuckled dryly, "Been there, done that."

Ianto smiled and continued. "And I know you. I know you would die even if you stayed dead. Sometimes life sucks, sometimes you have to sacrifice somebody else, but no one blames you."

Jack finally looked away, holding back tears again. "But it's my fault. I can't do it Ianto…I can't…"

He trailed off as he felt the pull back to life and turned panicked eyes back to younger man who was gazing at him sadly.

"Just hold on to me." He whispered gripping tighter, and kissed him softly as the darkness slowly started to fade.

Usually, it was abrupt. Usually, Jack was forced back into his body, feeling it repair itself in a torture all in its own. Usually, his lungs burned as he gasped and fought for air.

But not this time.

This time, even though he knew it was impossible, he could of sworn he felt strong arms holding him, keeping the pain away, as he gently woke up.

--

He found out what the cryptic messages Ianto had told him meant. He realized that his lover was trying to ease his pain. Trying to tell him that he was okay with what Jack had to do.

And the next time Jack died, there was more than just darkness there. There was the smell of coffee and vanilla, and deep blue eyes, soft lips, and strong arms ready to comfort him, ready to lead him back into life.

--

AN: My first Janto! Lol, sorry I know I should be writing my other stories but I'm stumped and obsessed with Torchwood currently.

BTW, Does anyone else find The Wiggles to be extremely terrifying, or is it just me?


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